The world is like an oyster, because if you open your self up to all the things you can do in this world it is like receiving a great treasure….like finding a pearl in your oyster ! Carrying an oyster in your pocket certainly does not improve your lot in life and there aint no big treasure awaiting you. Travelling in London supposedly got easier when the Oyster card was introduced: it saves you time, its cheaper, its smarter and its reusable. Wow!

Now Londoners are set to get free works of art from award winning authors, musicians and artists in the form of new Oystercard wallets.  The sleeves all share a theme and celebrate the 60th birthday of funding body Arts Council England. The date of this eagerly anticipated distribution across London will be 19 March. This could be bigger than London winning the Olympic bid, England winning the football World Cup or crime levels being reduced in the next five years. Ok apologies….getting far too carried away. The first one happened, the other two are a dream! Anway I digress. What bothers me is that these amazing cards and there super plush designs are supposedly improving the daily commute for people. How to pull the wool over everyone’s eyes as the current government is so apt at doing. This quote really got me laughing: “…..by explicitly addressing the theme of travel, with a collection of provocative, engaging and beautiful art works that address topical issues including identity, environmentalism and the rural. Through such an intimate invitation to enjoy a personal art experience or to engage in an imaginative story making process, the wallets powerfully express the function and value of art within our daily lives.”

Now that must have cost an arm and a leg for such inspriring words. No doubt such design meetings were held at plush countryside retreats, costing commuters thousands (who incidently are now apparently saving) in order for some art fundi’s senses to be evoked. What a pile of b*llocks! Its quite obvious that the point of portraying everyday commuting in London has clearly been missed. Let me offer some suggestions…my trip to Wales this weekend was super and the fresh air has brought out the Byron and Da Vinci in me:-) Would hate to miss an opportunity to be the artist!

a) A tin of tuna- depicting the closeness of one’s fellow passengers. Its now standard practice to stand the entire commute and is part and parcel of everyday life according to the head of Transport for London.

b) A dog turd- symbolising the crap service that is experienced on a rather too frequent basis

c) A wooden sauna- a clear indication of the heat which is generated in carriages where such temperatures are not deemed suitable for transporting of livestock. 

 d) Oh an last but not least we could have the three wise monkeys emblazened on the oyster sleeve. Clearly depicting the actions of the Train and Tube executives: see no problem, here no complaints, speak to no-one!

Now thats off my chest, let me rush out of the office and enjoy the hour long steam room home!

Hi all.
Back in the concrete jungle called London after six months of great times and brilliant experiences. Now have to face reality and find a new home and a new job. Life sometimes really sucks! Glad to report that no diseases were picked up along the way, no limbs were broken or torn and funny enough my rash seems to have clearedJ Have lost four kilograms but I am sure that after two weeks back the Heathrow Injection will start adding an unwanted belly. (already had a few burgers at Burger King) Got through immigration ok although the guy did have trouble recognising me from the passport photo I showed him. 6′1″, tanned and full of muscle!! My travels through Vietnam went by so quickly and although my original intention was for a five week visit, my experience at the border dampened my spirits and something told me the country was not going to be everything I thought it would be. The scenery and the landscape is something out of this world. Lush green landscape with uncountable paddy fields and mountainous regions that stood as a rather imposing backdrop to the sea. The people are generally friendly but at times it seems that the smile is there purely for the dollar. Hanoi was a great experience. The city is beautiful and modern with a definite French influence. Wide roads and landscaped gardens, together with some great restaurants, made the city a great place to spend time in. During the day the streets were pretty busy with plenty of people and motorbike riders. Chaotic at times but easy to get around. However as soon as it got dark it was like taking a risk similar to bungy jumping. My skills at narrowly escaping flying kamikaze pilots and psychotic taxi drivers have become exceptional. Think I lost a few pounds whenever the sound of an irate hooter blared in my ear. Actually saw some old guy standing at a corner trying to cross the road. It was so difficult a task that he had remained in the same spot since the Vietnam War ended. Most useless invention in SE Asia: the indicator…nobody uses it. Funny thing is that I never saw any accidents! Took a two day trip to Halong Bay just north of Hanoi to check out the islands. Great trip made even better by the great weather at the time. Then headed down to a town called Hue and did some sightseeing around the area. Really impressive tombs and temples dating back to over ten centuries ago. Spent three days in that part of the world. The monsoon season had just started and most of the three days meant the constant use of a raincoat. Felt like I was back in the UK. Booked a DMZ (Demilitarised Zone) trip on one of the days and that was an interesting experience. This was an area where a majority of the fighting in the Vietnam War took place and the area is littered with unexploded landmines. Had to tread really carefully along the way for fear of losing a limb. Went down some Viet Cong tunnels and visited an abandoned US military base. Local hawkers tried to sell our group some original “dog tags”. Really grim and some of the photos in the buildings were not appetising at all. After Hue it was down to Hoi An which is renowned for its abundance of tailors who make some top quality items. Ended up spending two days in the town and had some work clothes made at the same time. My travelling through the country had been purely by bus. The tourist buses were good quality but the same could not be said of the roads. More potholes than pimples on a teenagers face! My arse became a battering ram with the seat and at times my major concern was whether my future chances of fathering children was becoming impossible. Being over 6 foot does not help either and my knees have the scars to prove it. All fun and games until someone gets hurt! At this stage my relationship with any local transportation was not a pleasant one and when I arrived in Nha Trang, my patience was at breaking point….not a happy camper.
Six months of travelling were also taking its toll on me. (shame you all say). Well there was only one choice. Head further down south to the coast. Nha Trang is a great place to unwind and has the best beaches in the whole of Vietnam. Armed with my towel, Superman G-string, tanning lotion and the new chiselled look, it was beach time and as any peasant traveller would do I spent four days lapping up the sun. Had some pleasant company around me and my obsession with the good fitting bikini only heightened. So the days were spent reading, sipping on the local beers, improving my peripheral vision and having a good time at the great nightclubs in the area. (Needed to become drinking fit for London again!) After all the wear and tear of continuous bus trips my decision to fly on Vietnam Airlines back to Hanoi was a good one. Sure I missed out on two towns in the south of the country, but there is always a next time. Vietnam is a fascinating place and you have to respect the trauma and the continuous upheaval the people have gone through to gain independence. The country has constantly been invaded and after the Vietnam War, it seems to be getting closer to healing the wounds. However the attitude that is shown by the majority of people towards tourists needs to be improved. Overall it was my least favoured country in regards to all the places I had been. It’s too much to discuss in an e-mail, so I will leave it at that. Once back in Hanoi, it was a day of relaxing and then the long flight back to the Isle of Mud. Stopped in Hong Kong for a few hours and took a train to the centre of town. Really nice place and will most definitely try and make a longer visit some time in the future. The pilot on our arrival indicated that the weather was overcast and 16 degrees…nothing had changed. Arriving back in the UK was a strange feeling but after four days it seems as if I never left. Things are still the same. The British summer is anything but sunny, the tubes are still delayed the whole time and Manchester United are once again champions of England. So its time to find work (the market is really slow) and a place to stay. Should be able to find my feet again over the next few weeks. Hope that everybody is well. Awaiting a new mobile phone and will provide everyone with contact details when this has been completed. Received some really fantastic news on Monday. My sister is now engaged to Oliver, her boyfriend of eight years, and the news has really pleased me. No more pressure on me! Trust that you have enjoyed the mail over the last few months (the mini Lonely Planet as a mate of mine refers to it) and I do promise that regular contact will be maintained on a more personal basis. For those in SA: see you in September. For those in UK and Europe: will see you soon. Look after yourselves

Cheers Paul

Hi all. For those who want the short version (that’s you Auto!)…….in Hanoi, back in London soon. For those who want the longer version, grab a cup of coffee, relax and pretend you are working! Well it’s been a month since my last mail from Bangkok and plenty has happened. Spent a few more days in the capital visiting the local temples and relaxing before heading down to the south. Caught a bus down to the island of Ko Tao. It’s located on the east coast of the southern belt of Thailand and the weather at that time was near perfect. The island is well respected for its easy approach to life and the diving in the area is second to none. Completed two recreational dives on my second day there and then went on a full day trip to three great dive sites. The first one is called Sail Rock. It’s a small rocky outcrop in the middle of the ocean but descends to about 100 meters below the surface. A friend of mine in Sydney had raved about the place and when we descended I could only agree. We were able to swim through small caves, descend to a depth of 30 meters and the marine life down below was brilliant. The second dive was in an area that normally has plenty of whale sharks. We were not disappointed on the day we dived. It was pretty amazing to be swimming with two huge whales of 4m and 5m. Really placid creatures and it was a great experience. The nightlife on the island was relaxed and most evenings were spent playing a game of beach volleyball and finishing off a few beers looking out to sea. Not a bad place to visit. After four great days in Ko Tao, it was decided to head to Krabi, on the west coast and then across to a remote beach called Rai Lai. The area is cut off from the mainland and is only accessible by longtail boat, due to the massive limestone mountains that extend into the sea. It’s become a haven for rock climbers from all over the world. The snorkelling in the area was very good, but most days were spent lazing on the beach and improving the tan. Needless to say I have a feeling that the officials at Heathrow Airport are going to look twice at my passport before allowing me to enter! Ended up paddling to Chicken Island, an island named after its likeliness to the shape of a seated chicken, and after a good four hour round trip, a few beers and an early night were in order. Caught a bus back to Bangkok and decided to head to Ayuttayha, the ancient city that was reduced to ruins after fighting in the middle of the last millennium. Only went for the day and then headed to Kanchanaburi to have a look at the infamous Bridge over the River Kwai. A few books and a movie have been made about the bridge and the efforts of the many POW’s that died building it. Apparently the conditions were really bad, the labourers were severely malnutritioned and many died of malaria and other related diseases. The bridge is still operational at present and it really was a sombre moment walking across to the other side. The war cemetery was another site to be seen and it was strange to see the graves of men who had been killed in the war that were only eighteen and then some who were well into their fifties. Glad I was born a few years after the war! The area around Kanachanaburi is in a nice setting and can recommend it to anyone travelling around Thailand. Upon returning to Bangkok, decided to head down to the island of Ko Samet for a few days of sun before heading to Laos. The main reason for this excursion was to spoil myself on my birthday. Yes it was my 28th birthday on 26 April and it felt good to laze on a beach, read a book and think about nothing. Really spoiled myself by picking up a local Thai girl, taking her back to my room, having wild sex the whole night and teaching little Nobmi her first English words: “Who’s your Daddy!!” No to be serious, the night of my birthday was spent with some people I met on the boat over to the island and they proceeded to get me horribly drunk. Next time I will try not mention my birthday in the presence of strangers! Woke up the next day with a terrible hangover but still joined in a five-a-side game between the Thai (locals) and the Farang (foreigners). The game was easily won by us foreigners by 4-1, but it made me realise just how unfit I am. Would never have suffered such strain in my youth. After an hour of running on the beach, a local waiter almost called the ambulance service to come collect Fatboy and his mates. At least I lived to see the day. Went back to Bangkok and left the next day on a 12 hour train trip to the border with Laos. Had a great time in Thailand and the food was brilliant. Have not eaten so healthy in a long time and the sight of a hamburger or donor kebab in London may make me ill some time in the near future. One of the more amusing things in Thailand was the spelling on the restaurant menus. They are a proud people and will not readily look for correction with their English. Hence there will always be spelling mistakes like: FLIED RICE, BICICLE etc etc. My favourite though was the delicious “FRIED SEA TURDLES”. My guess is it tasted like crap! Another memory from the country will be the friendliness of the people, the local Thai whiskey (similar to petrol) and the buses used to get from town to town. My general impression was that buses in SE Asia are designed for MiniMe and other midgets! At times my knees and my ears became the best of mates! So off it was to Laos. All the guide books mention that the place is one of the places to travel in SE Asia. They were correct….the place is beautiful although the capital of Vientienne is boring beyond belief. Spent a half day walking around the streets and saw all the attractions in that time. The country was once under French colonial rule for a long period of time and the towns in the country still carry a French air to them. The driving is done on the right hand side of the road, all cars are left hand drive, most streets have vendors selling fresh baguettes and the old buildings have typical French architecture. Once I had crossed the border at Nong Khai, I headed straight to Vientienne for the day and left the next morning for a town in the north called Vang Vieng. This entailed a three hour bus ride along steep mountain passes and at times it was best not to look out the window and rather pretend to sleep. My bus driver had a feeling he possessed the driving skills of Michael Schumacher. don’t think so! We arrived there safely in the end (with a few people throwing up out of any available window) and found the town of Vang Vieng to be small but charming. One of the things to do was catch a tube down the Nam Song river. It takes two hours down the slow moving river but along with a marguerite in the hand, it made for great relaxation. Combining the effects of the local marijuana burning in the fields near the river, I almost lapsed into a state of semi-consciousness! Headed to some caves on a bicycle the next day and passed through some really rural villages along the way. Plenty of children running around, pigs, geese and goats scattered along the road and people greeting you like an old friend. They say that Laos is amongst the poorer nations in the world, but it ceases to amaze me that poor people seem ultra happy. Maybe it’s the amount of marijuana at their disposal!! Caught the north bus to the old capital of Luang Prabang. The city was declared a UNESCO World Heritage site in 1995 and it really is a beautiful place to visit. The journey from Vang Vieng to Luang Prabang took all of six hours but getting there was great. The scenery took in large mountain ranges and lush green fields. The region is starting to enter the rainy season and the last few days had yielded some heavy downpours. Did beat the really hot temperatures that have been around for my month of travelling. There is plenty to do in Luang Prabang and the highlight of my trip was a slow boat ride down the Mekong River to the Pak Cou Caves and a Lao whiskey village. The boat owner then decided to stop at his home village on the way back to the city and invited our group of four (three Swiss people included), to his daughter’s wedding. We were led to his village and then all the people there treated us like old friends. Danced with the locals to some traditional Lao music (can’t say that it has made any impression on me….the singers seem to be crying out in pain!) and then was handed copious amounts of Lao whiskey to consume. The age old custom while travelling is not to refuse anything that is offered to you and by the way the elders of the village were chuckling, they obviously thought I would be on my ear after a few. Needless to say I bravely flew the SA flag and conquered the might of the Lao drink! It was a great day and one of those experiences that has made my trip. One sight that should not be missed is Mount Phousi, which has a great view of the city below. The climb to the top (over 300 steps) is tiring but once you get there, it’s a must see. The sunset is not to be missed. Headed back to Vientienne the next day, applied for my Vietnamese visa and caught a “special tourist bus” to Hanoi, Vietnam. The entire journey was intended to take 20 hours but resulted in a 36 hour trip. It was pure BLOOD, SWEAT & TEARS!!! Would prefer to tell everybody the story over a few drinks, because it’s difficult to explain the con that was dealt to me and fourteen other foreigners without leaving out any important facts. Let’s just say that it involved corrupt border officials, a nine hour border wait, no water or food for almost a day and cramped conditions that I would not wish on my worst enemy. Anyway such are the joys of travelling….funny how a cultural experience can involve locals sleeping on your feet! So here I sit with about three weeks left on my travelling. Have brought forward my flight back to London and will be arriving on 3 June…..the budget is coming to an end and it’s about time to head back home. Somebody please tell me they have seen the sun in the UK!! Hope that everybody is well. Keep smiling and send me some news. 

Cheers for now Paul  

Hi all
Trust that everybody is well and enjoying life. Things are going incredibly well at the moment. Currently in Bangkok and having a great time. Its bloody hot and sweating like a duck during the hunting season. Arrived on the 4th of April and not one day has passed without the thermometer reading not passing 35 degrees. It’s bearable though and will only help me in my quest to get rid of a beer gut that gradually enveloped my midrift since travelling through New Zealand and Australia.
Apparently the sweaty look over here is quite appealing to chicks! Australia is now finally behind me and I say that because the last two weeks were extremely tedious. Since my last group mail there has been a culmination of pre-booked tours that have completed my stay in Down Under. Spent a few days in Cairns and undertook a day trip to Cape Tribulation (a rainforest region about a hundred kilometres north of Cairns), then went on a two dive trip on the Great Barrier Reef. Must admit that the visibility of the water improves the further north you travel along the reef and the abundance of sea life definitely increases. The weather was extremely hot and sticky at that time and it was of some relief to have a slight drizzle on the tarmac when we touched down in Alice Springs. It felt like a typical day in London and my feelings went out to those of you who are stuck in that weather at the moment. For your sake I do hope it improves. Waved my goodbyes to the two Scottish lasses as we went separate ways and it was strange to be travelling alone again. The purpose of flying to Alice Springs was to be able to complete a three day tour of the world famous Ayers Rock. At the time I arrived, a huge cold front was passing over the entire Central Australia. It was quite cold at 10 degrees and it was a big relief that warm clothes had been packed prior to leaving London. The desert town that I expected to see was no longer there. Persistent rain over the last two months had turned the region into a green belt. Most postcards/photographs that are taken of Ayers Rock and the surrounding area (including Alice Springs albeit 400 kilometers away) are normally of a red landscape, but this had changed quite dramatically. The cold weather and heavy rain did make the journey slightly daunting at times but it was far more preferable than the searing heat that is a norm for the region. There is something very special about Ayers Rock (otherwise known as Ulura by the native Aborigines) and nothing can compare with being really close to it and walking around it. There is something really mystical about its presence. It’s the focal point for many of the ancient customs so well preserved by the Aborigines. The history behind the rock is amazing and the decision to hand the land back to the locals by the Australian government in 1985, was a huge step in reducing ethnic tensions in the country. The situation is that the land was handed back under a 99 year lease agreement which allows the Rock to be open to tourists until the expiry of such lease (quite cunning work by the government). It has angered the locals because Ulura continues to be climbed and there have been over 36 deaths in the last few years from slipping down the sleep descent path. It’s traditional that only the tribal elders climb to the summit, and with the increasing amount of foreign wannabies trying to be heroes and climb it, the Aborigines will probably close the land once the lease expires. Good on them because it’s a place that needs to be preserved. The three day tour to Ayers Rock was great and sleeping under the stars and enjoying some fine Aussie “tucker”, a few beers and some songs around the campfire was brilliant. We also managed to view Kings Canyon which has the steepest cliffs I have ever seen. A must see on a trip to the Outback. After the tour was finished, it was a two day tour down to Adelaide. Unfortunately the sounds of the local hostel pub in Alice Springs had led me to drinking copious amounts of alcohol, chatting up some lovely English lass and the unfortunate missing of a bus in the early hours of the next morning.
Had the most horrible headache but still managed to catch a Greyhound (for a small fee) down to Adelaide and then headed to Melbourne on a two day tour of the Great Ocean Road. The scenery was great and the rest of the tour group that were travelling with me were all raving about it, but none of them have ever travelled to good old South Africa. Good viewing but does not compare to back home. The complete trip from Alice Springs to Melbourne was over 2500 km and decided to take two days off and relax before heading to Sydney.  As stated above, two days were spent in Melbourne. I happened to bump into Magicbob (a mate of mine from the New Zealand trip) and we decided to head to the MCG to watch the Essendon Bombers v North Melbourne Kangaroos in an Aussie Rules game. A great evening out and we had the joy of some bloke behind us who really thought he was the games equivalent of Richie Benaud. Shouts of” Arielo is on fire”;”Sensatttttionallll”;” Go Jonno” were constant in my ear. It all added to the atmosphere as a whole and it was a great one at that. Pity about the game though….it’s really a bunch of guy in tight pants running after a ball like a group of six year olds at their first soccer practice. Its going to be difficult to market the game on a worldwide scale…at least I can say that an Aussie tradition was witnessed by me. Personally they can keep the game in Aussie! By the way has anyone ever wondered why they have a beer called XXXX……Well it’s because the brewery was not permitted to label it as SH.T It really is a most horrible beer to drink. Had my last set of vaccinations in Melbourne and then a small problem arose in my plans. The visa for Vietnam would take five days and the next available flight from Sydney to Vietnam was on 15 April…this meant spending two weeks in Sydney. No can do. Flight Centre in London had also misinformed me about the amount of stops on my trip and to cut a long story short, the best option was to arrange a visa for Thailand and re-route my flight to Bangkok and travel to Vietnam overland. This was no problem and the end result is that from Thailand I will be making my way to Vietnam via Laos/Cambodia overland and then catch a connecting flight from Hanoi via Hong Kong back to London some time in June. So Sydney provided me with two days to meet up with another mate of mine from New Zealand, Paul a.k.a Kiwi, and catch up with old family friends, the Simkins, that I had not seen for a few years. Finalised all my stuff for South East Asia and boarded the plane with my machete, semi automatic rifle, a few hand grenades and a can of mosquito repellant. It was finally off to Bangkok and the start of some real travelling. You hear so many warning about travelling in the South East Asia region and it’s not a place to be worried about. Must admit that every single day spent here only makes me love the place even more. The people are so friendly and the country can be proud of its reputation of being referred to as “The Land of Smiles”. After spending two days in an area near the National Stadium, my gut feeling was to move to the infamous Khaosan Road (its in the opening scene of the film “The Beach”) and experience the real Thai backpacking scene. It’s a decision that I have no regrets over. It’s an interesting place to be and the area is abuzz on a 24 hour scale. There are plenty of guesthouses for the weary traveller and my particular one “My House Guest House” is pretty good value. Things are so cheap over here and you can buy almost anything on the streets of Bangkok. To give you an idea the current exchange rate is 64.85 baht (the local currency) to the pound. An average room for the night cost 180 baht, a CD costs 160 baht, a plate of noodles cost 30 baht and a beer costs 60 baht. Good value and the local Singha beer (6%) is great. Bangkok is a fascinating city and for the traveller it’s important to visit the wats (temples) and take some cultural insight back with you. The sight of traditional monks in meditation is brilliant and I do hope my many photos do come out well. Transport is really efficient and the streets are chocker block the whole day. Buses are really cheap but my favourite form of transport has to be the “tuk-tuk”…it’s a form of three wheel scooter and you it behind the driver while he whizzes his passengers through the streets of the city. It’s a good idea not to look at where the driver is heading because the times that a head on collision was inevitable have been plenty. The traffic rules are hardly obeyed and it’s a jostling match at the traffic lights. At night the city is still packed with scooters, motorbikes, cars and buses…..it’s a bit like a Super Bike grand prix, except there are no restarts if someone crashes. The city itself turns into a “Bladerunner” scenario and it’s a great place to be. Well it’s been four days in Bangkok and I decided to take some culture back with me. Completed a four day Traditional Thai Massage course at one of the temples today and it now allows me to practice as a masseuse in that field anywhere in the world. Might consider completing the reflexology course on my return to Bangkok in three weeks time but will leave it for now. On arriving in the country I wondered what the possibility of bumping into someone I knew would be….pretty slim chance. Well amazingly on my second day in Bangkok while walking in Khaosan Road I bumped into Keri Davis, a friend of mine from London. Good to see her again and it’s been great having a mate to meet up with in the evenings. She has also been a good “guinea pig” for me to practice the Thai massage on. Will probably bump into her again on my travels around the region. Now that my course has been completed its time to head off to an island off the East Coast called Ko Tao, for a spot of diving from tomorrow evening. Will most probably complete my Rescue Diver course…..main objective is to eventually become a Dive Instructor…apparently the diving is pretty good in the area, the accommodation is cheap and the beaches are great and it could be two weeks down there and then head my way up North to Chiang Mai and the Northern foothills to visit the hill tribes. So its greetings from a sweaty, muggy and vibrant cafe in the middle of Khaosan Road. Somebody has to do it. Do keep in touch and send me some news. Just out of interest, in the last month four friends have become engaged and two have just had baby boys. Maybe I should settle down…..nah I’ll just have another Singha beer and finish my big plate of noodles!!!

Cheers for now Paul

Hi all.

Rain, snow and sleet: well that was the enthusiastic commentary by a very attractive SKY News presenter on the UK weather, while I sat lazing back in my chair in New Zealand this past weekend. After enduring two days of absolute carnage at the Wellington Sevens and basking in the warm sun, the thought of being stuck in those wonderful conditions brought a small tear to my eye. And now it’s Sydney that’s decided to show all its splendour by dishing up temperatures in the late 20’s to early 30’s! Its a wonderful place and still has remnants of the old Colonial rule in most of its suburbs and street names….Liverpool, Richmond, Strawberry Hill, George Street and Hyde Park, to name a few. The Hyde Park in Sydney is not as big as that of London, but is equally magical. The city transport system is brilliant and the people are great. Currently staying in Kings Cross that is as dodgy as the same area in London, but hey it’s close to the city and I fancy my chances of becoming a call girl! The last two days have involved exploring the city and a weekly “transport pass” works wonders. Have been allowed access to all trains, buses and ferries around the city and it’s a really place to get around. London could learn form the super efficient transport system and the triple decker carriages on the underground are refreshing to say the least. Treated myself to a swim at Bondi Beach today and it was superb. The neck is a bit stiff but hey the scenery on the beach is breathtaking!! Had my vaccinations for the trip to Vietnam, Cambodia and Thailand done today. There is a threat of being bitten by dogs or monkeys in these regions and it makes me wonder why some of my mates never had shots for Rabies in the past…and that was for contact with the aforementioned in low risk areas! Sydney features in my plans for the next week and then its up the East Coast to Cairns, across to Alice Springs and Ayers Rock and then through Adelaide and Melbourne to eventually return to Sydney. Hoping to catch a few Super 12 games along the way (Kiwi drop me a mail!!) and maybe the Formula 1 Grand Prix in Melbourne. So much sport going on Down Under it’s scary. (Pity about the Aussies murdering the Windies in the cricket once again). It’s the third edition of Nielsen’s Column, so best I tell you about the adventures in New Zealand since my last mail. Before starting there are a whole lot of other people from my travels who have been added to my address book, so take solace in the fact that you are now not the only ones reading some of my b/shit! Two Kiwi Experience buses headed down the West Coast from Nelson, passing through Westport and stopping at Lake Manehapua along the way. My bus was driven by a lovely lady named Luby and the other bus by a psychopath named Auto (real name Derrick). One may think that “psychopath” is a tad harsh but Auto would agree with this classification entirely. The man is an absolute legend: he drinks like a fish, looks like crap and takes his kit off for money!! He certainly made the trip down the West Coast an absolute blast! With two buses it’s difficult to meet all the people when stopping over at every place along the route. (about seventy people in total). However at Lake Mahenapua this all changed….a cross dressing party was arranged. My outfit for the evening was a rather tight fitting red number (thanks Bubbles!) which left the local inbreeds reaching for there hard earned cash with feverous vigour. You gotta pity the poor bastards when the women in the area are butt ugly!! The night turned out to be a good party and quite a few people ended up being really good friends come the following morning. This brings me to a question that was raised by one of my Irish mates in London (name withheld to protect his integrity). His question was why tell all the tales of the travels and no sneaky commentary on the women. It’s a simple response when you think about it: the column is a “family” mail and “What goes on Tour, stays on Tour!”….enough said!!! Any such questions can be directed to me in private. From Lake Manehapua we headed down to the Franz Jozef Glacier. This is one of only three glaciers in the world that flows into a temperate forest. Pretty impressive stuff and great scenery to savour. Went for a half day hike up the glacier and then decided to conquer my fear of heights which has stuck with me since I was a young boy. Franz Jozef has the best skydive in New Zealand for scenery and it was my turn to drop 12000 metres from a plane. Have to say that it was brilliant and would easily do it again. By the way it was done in tandem in case a few of you were wondering! From Franz Jozef it was down the West Coast to Queenstown. There is not much more to say about Queenstown other than “Absolutely Awesome”….it’s a ski resort in winter and a sports lover’s paradise in summer. Plenty of famous people hang out here including the likes of Mick Jagger and Phil Collins. We were fortunate to bump into Michael Schumacher, who had popped out to collect the morning paper, when we stumbled across him. What a nice bloke…pity he drives for Ferrari! From the start of our tour in Nelson to our mid point in Queenstown had taken a week and most of the people on Auto and Luby’s bus had stayed together for that duration.  The end result was that everyone became good mates and with Queenstown being one of the places where everyone went there own way, it was party time for three or four days before moving on. On my travels down the West Coast I have met some brilliant people like TC, Cannabis King, Matthias, Steven, Steve, Tom, Emma, Ed, Mandy, Bubbles, Magic Bob, Auto, Luby, Kathryn, Kiwi and Mrs Kiwi, Team Holland and Team Sweden…to name a few and its hoped that regular contact will be maintained with all of them. There was also Mark and Becky from England, who finally confirmed my thoughts that travelling as a couple is a no-go!!…. they split while in NZ but continue to travel together. Travelling together is far different to living together as its 24 hours of direct contact. If you get through that, then I guess you can get through anything!
 So it ended up being some wild nights in Queenstown to match the absolute mayhem caused all along the West Coast and my liver was once again taking a beating! Along the way a few new  alcohol shots were invented including the infamous ” Tequila Suicide” which left many in tears, the ” Ski Run” which left many choking, the ” Waikato” (Auto being the most devoted Waikato supporter in the world..pity the man) and the “Tricolor”….these will be coming to a pub near you in due course. It would be honest to say that 90% of my money was spent on women and alcohol, the rest was wasted!! Jo, an English girl and Mandy, a Dutch girl had become good friends with me on the bus trip. With a few days to spare the three of us decided to hire a car and head down to the Milford Sound, take a short boat ride around the area and then drive to Dunedin the following morning. We collected a little Mazda 323 at the Network Car rentals in town and I ended up sharing most of the driving with Jo. Mandy had a slight hangover so we took pity on her and allowed her to relax in the back. The further south one went in New Zealand, the more sheep appeared roaming along the hills and the more beautiful the scenery became. They seemed to be everywhere. It’s no urban myth that there are more sheep in New Zealand than people. We did well to avoid smashing straight into a rather hyperactive ewe bouncing along the roadside, and if my hunger and anger had overridden me, there would have been lamb chops for a small village  They are quite docile but absolutely clueless. However I still never got to witness a Kiwi shagging a sheep! If anybody has doubts about a visit to NZ, I would throw those doubts to one side and travel here….it’s a brilliant place and the humbleness and friendliness of people make it ultra special. Where Milford Sound was amazing, Dunedin was pretty dull. Being a university town it does not offer much in the form of activities until the students return… (middle of Feb). At least I had a chance to visit Carisbrook Stadium “The House of Pain” and check out the facilities. Many a foreign side has arrived in Otago hoping to crush the “Highlanders” and have left licking their wounds. An imposing stadium but still does not compare to our fine sporting structures in SA. The bus from Queenstown had only two more stops before returning to Wellington, from where I would fly out to Sydney. We first stopped in Christchurch, home of the Canterbury Crusaders (another fine Super 12 side) and the city of freaks, and Kaikoura, home of whales and dolphins…it offered whale watching and an opportunity to dive with the dolphins. Once back in Wellington it was a day of rest and then off to watch the Wellington Sevens at the new stadium on the waterfront. All the decent teams were participating but teams like NZ, Aussie, England and SA were weakened by Super 12 commitments and the Six Nations……so it was an open tournament. The Kiwis and Fiji have always dominated this form of rugby union and it was good bet they would contest the final.  Went to the game with Steve, a Canadian mate from the Kiwi Experience and we enjoyed some fine rugby action. It was spread over two days and it was rather embarrassing watching the Cook Islands beating SA in the pool games. However the next day was even better with SA winning the Bowl final defeating Wales, New Zealand losing to both Samoa and Fiji and the Aussies winning in NZ. Its not often that you see a SA rugby side on a podium in NZ, but that and the sight of a bunch of convicts collecting a trophy in NZ must have left the locals rather gutted….it also confirmed my belief that Jonah Lomu is muck! The final day had its fair amount of atmosphere and humour and an inebriated local was escorted out of his seat and from the stadium. The reason was not for being drunk but rather that the official felt that he was not shouting loud enough when the obligatory chants of ” Aussies are W*nkers” were bellowing across the stadium. A good time was had by all and we managed to stumble safely home to the comforts of Lower Hutt. Must thank Mrs Clarke, my mate Richards’s mom, for providing me with accommodation. Before completing this mail, it would be good to mention another question by an old work colleague of mine in London….she asked about the traditional food eaten in NZ. Well to be honest we were led on a tour of a Maori village in the North Island and the guide convinced our group that the Maori still survived from what the earth provided i.e. corn and vegetables. Needless to say a half hour after a traditional dance, one of the warriors returned to the village with enough KFC to feed seven families….go figure!  So I hope that answers the question. It’s been a great month in NZ and it was really sad to leave the country and also part from a fantastic bunch of people who I met while travelling. It’s too early to say but the chances of meeting such a decent bunch again is remote (send cheques in the post… you know who you are!) Seriously my travels so far have introduced me to some really interesting people I would never have met under normal circumstances and it’s only made me richer for it. At times like this you wish your travels never stopped. Well I do hope that everyone is healthy and enjoying themselves in whatever they are doing. Do reply if you have the time because my mail gets checked regularly. Off to Bondi again tomorrow…..wish me luck. Cheers for now Paul PS: SOME GOOD PHOTOS ARE ON A WEBSITE “www.magic-fish.com”. Click on Australia on the map and follow the instructions. These are courtesy of Robin Munt (aka Magic Bob) who hails from and supports Southampton and has equally bad taste in beers!!! Tried to scan some photos from my collection but they take too long to download.

Cheers Paul

Hi all Well its been close on two months since leaving London and it feels like work is something of the past. Its going to be rather strange putting on a suit in a few months time…walking around in shorts and a shirt day after day is definitely not hurting me. Since the last mail I have travelled half way across the world and passed several time zones….all in the name of fun. New Year was spent in St Francis Bay, South Africa and it turned out to be a couple of great days spent with friends. Greg Beadle, Colin Gibbs and his girlfriend Tanya were there to help me down the copious amounts of alcohol that were readily available (hopefully all of you had a fantastic New Year). I also managed to catch up with Ally, Bron and Jenny, three of my ex-housemates from London and spent some time with them in Cape Town. After St Francis it was three days in Cape Town (do miss the place!) and then a day in Johannesburg before flying to Wellington, New Zealand. The flight was quite a journey and included a refueling in Perth and then a stopover in Sydney before arriving in Wellington at 23:45. The total time of the trip was 23 hours and in between that I managed to end up being 11 hours ahead of the time in JHB. I was met at the Wellington airport by Richard, a Kiwi mate working in Brussels, and then drove a further eight hours to Auckland in the north….really brutal stuff in terms of travelling. I did manage to remember to don my SA rugby jersey on arrival in Wellington and it was greeted with rapturous applause by the twenty or so people who were sitting at the airport waiting for friends/relatives. We were due to meet up with Laurent, a Belgian colleague of Richards’, in Auckland that afternoon, hence the need to depart Auckland at the ridiculous time. I could have slept on hot coals for an evening and not budged…the jetlag effectively took two days to recover from!!! Well I guess you must be wondering what New Zealand is like….it’s amazing. The weather is great, the people are extremely friendly and the scenery is beautiful. Thought it would be appropriate to share some facts about New Zealand before continuing with the mail. 1. New Zealand consists of two islands, North and South Island (very apt I guess). 2. There are five major cities i.e. Auckland, Wellington (the capital), Christchurch, Dunedin and Napier. These are the only ones with more than 100,000 people in their population. 3. Only 3, 4 million people live in NZ. 4. There are close on 80 million sheep (majority in the South Island region)…that’s more than 20 sheep per person. 5. Possums are a huge problem in New Zealand and approximately 8 million roam the woodlands of the country. Unfortunately I did not reduce the numbers on the drive from Wellington to Auckland… the little buggers are nimble enough to dodge oncoming cars! I even tried going off-road but to no avail. 6. There are no snakes or poisonous spiders. The only other place like this is Ireland. 7. The All Blacks are regarded as demi-gods in NZ and every souvenir shop has thousands of All Black items. Personally it ranks a distant second to the great Jeppe Boys black and white kit! 8. Don’t mention the 1995 World Cup Rugby Final…still a sore point (apparently something the All Blacks ate!). 9. For those of you who don’t know:…. New Zealand came fourth in the 1999 World Cup Rugby. 10. Last but not least, I have yet to see a New Zealander shagging a sheep! I must say that the people here are so friendly and have really made me feel at home. The only downer is being referred to as a Jaapie from time to time! From Auckland we headed down the North Island to Wellington. The journey took twelve days and was heaps of fun. We stayed in backpacker hostels and a few days at Richard’s mother in Wellington. The backpacking is not that bad and you tend to meet some really good people. Along the way I managed to do some trout fishing, white water rafting, black water rafting (rafting in an underground cave) and a five hour walk across the Tongariro Crossing (rated as one of New Zealand’s finest). The views were amazing as the area we walked through formed part of a volcanic crater. From a dietary point of view, travelling in SA and New Zealand has not been that kind on me. My staple diet has consisted of Burger King, McDonalds and KFC (do I hear chants of “Hey Fatboy”???). Unfortunately Richard and Laurent have led me down this path of self-destruction…guess some willpower to say no thanks would help. The compulsory indulging in the local beer has been performed in admirable fashion….Export Gold, Steinlager, Macs Gold and Tui may not strike a common cord in many of you but the mere mention of the word at present makes my liver quiver in fear. In all honesty it’s been great touring with Richard and Laurent. I have at least persuaded them to join me for a run in the evenings. They are both due to return to Brussels in the next few days. So today is effectively the first day of solo travelling and I decided to book myself on a backpackers tour bus that conducts a tour of the South Island. Met a South African guy and Canadian girl on the ferry through the Cook Strait to the South Island and they have been good travel companions. We are in Nelson now and I have found the local Internet cafe. It’s as hot as hell…my fingers are slipping off the keyboard as I type from the buckets of sweat dripping off my body. (There are actually some Swedish girls in the corner baying for me to take my shirt off right now but in true gentlemanly fashion, I have declined….the belly is not in great form at the moment!!) My travel plans have changed slightly in the last few weeks. The original plan was to fly from Sydney to Bangkok and then home to London. It’s now a flight from Sydney to Saigon, Vietnam then overland to Bangkok. A further flight from Bangkok to Hong Kong and then directly back to London. Gives me more time to see South East Asia in the coming weeks. Furthermore my budget is been adhered to so I might as well spoil myself. Once my tour of the South Island is complete, I will be watching the Wellington International Sevens tournament and then fly to Sydney on 10 Feb. So about two weeks left in New Zealand and still plenty of sightseeing to do. Hope everyone is well. Please don’t be shy to send mail because when I have the opportunity to pop into an Internet cafe, I will reply. Anyway must go, Helena and her mates need me back at the hotel!!!

Cheers Paul  

Hi all. Yes its been two and a half weeks since departing the mild weather that London had to offer and embarking on the five month holiday that has been planned. How horrible it is to start off with a place like Cape Town. My lily white body that graced the streets of London has turned into a healthy brown and I am having a real tough time trying to find things to do during the day, but I guess beggars cannot be choosers! Since arriving in SA it’s been brilliant…the time spent in Johannesburg was excellent and it was good to catch up with my sister and her boyfriend. Britt and Oliver have gone to Zanzibar for their December holiday and it’s definitely a place to I would like to visit in the near future. It also involved a few sodas with the Gentleman’s Club. For those that have not come across this bunch of well upstanding men, a quick insight into the workings of the club should suffice. A few of us got together four years ago and decided that we were seeing far too little of each other since leaving school and this needed to remedied. The solution: A club which meets every month in the true spirit of friends and catches up with each others lives. The first Wednesday of each month is always something to look forward to…being in London had only made me more eager to get together in JHB. Anyway to get back to the subject at hand…we had the fourth Christmas gathering at the Vaal River, compliments of the one and only Mr Stubbs. My drinking arm was in a severe state of panic at the onset of the weekend and the following day served as a gentle reminder to us all that skiing is best left to those who can handle a hangover effectively the morning after. The end of that weekend was over too soon and it was off to Cape Town the following morning. Cape Town has been highly enjoyable and its been very difficult not to miss my old job at DB in London when you are sitting on a beach in 30 degrees of scorching heat….once again beggars cant be choosers! At least my neck and eyes are getting a good workout….the birdlife on Cape Towns’ beaches is phenomenal! I completed the first day of a mountain bike race in the mountains of George last weekend and it was really tough….56 km of pure hell for those who have not trained…bit of an eye opener for someone who has become a couch potato in the outdoor friendly environment that the UK offers. It felt like my arse had been kicked by an elephant several times and the ability to sit down with minimal pain only returned on the Tuesday morning. I am staying with a friend of mine, Greg and we are house-sitting in Hout Bay until 5 January, when I fly off to New Zealand. Was lucky enough to go up in a light aircraft on Monday afternoon and have a tour of the Cape Peninsula from the air. Most enjoyable and highly recommended. For those in London who have never been to South Africa, specifically Cape Town, it’s a must see and the opportunity to come here should never be turned down. The water is freezing and it would take a moment of temporary insanity for me to jump into the sea in a hurry….it’s also crucial to be capable of urinating on a daily basis! As per usual Cape Town has been busy at this time of the year and the roads are starting to fill up. Nevertheless it’s awesome to be back here. Well some of you must be wondering what the “Nielsen’s Column” entails and I have to say that the intention is to send out a regular mail (every two to three weeks) while I am travelling from one country to another. It’s not just to tell all of you how I am doing (as they say “Tell someone who cares”) but to give everyone insight into these countries and places of reference if the chance comes along for those who might travel in the near future. So bear with me if the mails are long but I would like to share the experience with you. So it’s off to St Francis for New Year and then to Wellington, New Zealand on 6 December. Tomorrow is a Christmas bash at the house and it should be an absolute belter. On the Christmas topic… for those who are in London: enjoy the cold…for those taking a holiday: have a great one and travel safely. I do hope that everyone has a fantastic festive season and a great New Year. Well I must be off; another day in paradise beckons…..just need to give thanks to the sun gods!!!
 Cheers Paul